This is my submission for the December 2019 Carnival of Aros, about Love.
I like collecting quotes, so here are some of my favourite quotes about love. In every case it includes a link to the source, or at least the author’s name so you can go look them up if you want to find out what else they said. There are some pretty interesting people here with some interesting ideas.
I’ll start off with a nice snippet from a book I’m busy reading at the moment, Finding Your Way In A Wild New World: Four steps to fulfilling your true calling, by Martha Beck.
This is a table comparing Attachment (the kind of stuff most “love” songs seem to be about, ewww) to Oneness (actual real unconditional love, far more interesting).
| Attachment | Oneness |
|---|---|
| “You complete me.” | “I feel whole, and I love sharing the joy of that with you.” |
| “I need you to make me happy.” | “I’m happy, and I love being with you.” |
| “Without you, my life would be a joyless wasteland.” | “My life is wonderful! Come share it with me!” |
| “I need to be with you all the time.” | “I love being with you when you feel like being with me.” |
| “I can’t stand the thought of your focusing on anyone but me.” | “I want you to have lots and lots of love in your life.” |
| “If you leave me, I’ll never forgive you.” | “You can’t leave me, even by dying; we’re always connected wherever we are.” |
| “You’re here to heal my wounds.” | “I know how to heal my own wounds, and how to love you as you heal yours.” |
Attachment is basically clinginess, possessiveness, jealousy, etc, which is all about insecurity…. which is also unfortunately what a lot of people actually think “love” is supposed to be about.
Which leads me nicely to the next quote:
Love is such a misused word in our culture. I appreciate how David Hawkins describes what love is and what love is not. “Love as depicted in the mass media is not love. On the contrary, what the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotionality combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty. It is usually evanescent and fluctuating, waxing and waning with varying conditions. When frustrated, this emotion often reveals an underlying anger and dependency that it had masked. That love can turn to hate is a common concept, but what is being spoken about rather than love is an addictive sentimentality and attachment. Hate stems from pride, not love. There probably never was actual love in such a relationship.
[Real love] is characterized by the development of a love that is unconditional, unchanging, and permanent. It does not fluctuate because its source within the person who loves is not dependent on external conditions. Loving is a state of being. It is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive. Love is not intellectual and does not proceed from the mind. Love emanates from the heart. It has the capacity to lift others and accomplish great feats because of its purity of motive…Love takes no position and thus is global, rising above the separation of positionality. It is then possible to be One with another, as there are no longer any barriers. Love is therefore inclusive and expands the sense of self progressively. Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive. It dissolves negativity by recontextualizing it rather than by attacking it.” – Lissa Rankin
Another thing I’ve noticed with some people is that even if you want to love them unconditionally, they find it hard to accept. It’s like they don’t know what to do with it. I guess this is because of past experiences, maybe some trauma, and being surrounded by people who grew up in a culture where “love” is about possessing and controlling a person (this kind of bullshit starts early, with parents possessing and controlling their children, and claiming they do it “out of love”).
Which brings me to…
Love, Control, Fear, Freedom
I think anyone who feels a lot of love doesn’t feel the need for much control or power. I think the person who feels a lot of love wants others to be free and doesn’t want them to feel controlled. Most of control seems to be based on fear, and I think anyone who feels a lot of love for other humans doesn’t want others to feel afraid of them or anyone else. – Steve Hein
And also…
There are many whose spirits are so locked in behind impenetrable armor that even the greatest efforts to nurture the growth of those spirits are doomed to almost certain failure. To attempt to love someone who cannot benefit from your love with spiritual growth is to waste your energy, to cast your seed upon arid ground. Genuine love is precious, and those who are capable of genuine love know that their loving must be focused as productively as possible through self-discipline. Source: When To Love, When To Let Go
One thing that bothers me a bit about the above quote is that it sounds a bit like it’s blaming the person for having that armour. It probably wasn’t meant that way, but there are many valid reasons why someone would build up armour like that. Trauma’s a big one, which is probably far more common than people think (just wait a few years, the psychologists will eventually realize this, mark my words. Some of them already are).
Relevant to the armoured people mentioned above:
Measuring Love
Maybe you can measure how much someone feels loved by how many cigarettes they smoke, how much alcohol they consume, how many cosmetics products they buy, how much money they spend on distractions and entertainment, how much time they spend working for someone else, or studying what someone else tells them to study. – Steve Hein
Here are a few more quotes I like, but I don’t feel like commenting on:
A mind that is seeking is not a passionate mind and to come upon love without seeking it is the only way to find it – to come upon it unknowingly and not as the result of any effort or experience. Such a love, you will find, is not of time; such a love is both personal and impersonal, is both the one and the many. Like a flower that has perfume you can smell it or pass it by. That flower is for everybody and for the one who takes trouble to breathe it deeply and look at it with delight. Whether one is very near in the garden, or very far away, it is the same to the flower because it is full of that perfume and therefore it is sharing with everybody. – Jiddu Krishnamurti
“If you love, and you were asked: why do you love?…and you are able to answer: I love because of his or her beauty, or position in life, or charm, or good character- in other words, if you can give the reason for your love, then it is NOT love. But if this question is put to you, and as if in a sudden wonder, you must admit that you don’t know, that THE WHY never occurred to you- you just love, that’s all, so simple. Then only, and only then, it is REAL LOVE.” – Irina Tweedie
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then there will be true peace.” – Sri Chin Moi Gosh
“People were made to be loved and things were made to be used. That’s why there’s so much chaos in the world – people are being used and things are being loved.” – Anonymous
Any thoughts you’d like to add?